Trigger

I have decided to take a bit of a risk tonight and take you as close as I can to what happens when I self harm. I hope to show how intense, addictive and dangerous it can be. Please don't read any further if you are feeling delicate.

Trigger

The trigger was too much, the urges now control him, the decision is made, he needs it, wants it, he must have it now. Calmly he walks into the kitchen and picks up the knife, his towel already prepared.

The cold blade is gently caressed across his skin, his heart beats faster as the anticipation of what is about to come increases. He chooses the spot on his arm and presses the blade into his skin. Feeling the blade cutting his skin he pulls the knife down. Seeing the blood his desperation increases, he thrusts the blade deeper, harder whilst tensing with the pain. For twenty minutes he cuts again and again until the pain overwhelms him and then he stops.

He stands there looking at the wound on his arm, watching the warm blood pour down his arm. His breathing is rapid after the adrenaline rush and the release that he needed so much. Ignoring the throbbing pain he looks up and out of the window to check of anyone has seen him do it. Satisfied no one has seen him, he presses his hand onto the wound before returning silently into the real world, the emotional pain, and the wait until he can do it again