This post is going to be a bit of a rant and I would ask that you forgive me in advance. Tomorrow England are playing in a football match which it appears they must win to stay in the world cup. I have just read a new article where a union said that employers should made provision so employees can watch the match.
From a personal point of view I became a very unpopular person when I didn't cheer for England when they scored in the last world cup. I have also had several people try and make a point of me because I don't support England. Apparently I should be supporting England because I was born here. It appears that the world will end if England don't win the world cup.
Seriously what the fuck? The fixtures for the world cup have been known for a while so people have had plenty of time to book time off work. Why should the country stop just for one game? It isn't exactly the final match is it? When I am at work I am paid to do my job not to watch football.
Also why should I support England? I don't appreciate been dictated to over what I should do or who I should support. I have made it clear from the start I support the Republic of Ireland in all sporting events. Yes I know they didn't get through but you are supposed to support a team through the good and bad stages. Any true football fan would agree with that statement.
People seriously need to get a grip!
Tuesday, 22 June 2010
Monday, 21 June 2010
Fathers Day part 2
Hmm this is a difficult post for me and I have though long and hard before posting this. Now I am functioning and doing everything I should be doing, I am having one of those days but that is beside the point. My other half is rocking my world in only ways she can do.
Outwardly I am rocking along with the world, inwardly I am having an epic crash. My other half doesn't know this but on Saturday I burn't myself and it was because of yesterday. Fathers day has hit me quite hard this year and kicked off a dangerous instinct in me. That is wanting to be with my family. My thoughts yesterday were of my daughters playing together. By now they would have been old enough to play together.
For me there is a very distinct difference between being suicidal and wanting to self harm. I am not suicidal, far from it. However I have got a very fierce desire to do a fair old amount of damage to myself. Last night I had planned it all out in my head, what I needed and getting the correct first aid equipment so I can deal with the damage.
The reason I am posting this is partly down to prevention. I am less likely to do any damage when I have told someone what is going on. Also by posting I am getting it out of my system in positive way.
Outwardly I am rocking along with the world, inwardly I am having an epic crash. My other half doesn't know this but on Saturday I burn't myself and it was because of yesterday. Fathers day has hit me quite hard this year and kicked off a dangerous instinct in me. That is wanting to be with my family. My thoughts yesterday were of my daughters playing together. By now they would have been old enough to play together.
For me there is a very distinct difference between being suicidal and wanting to self harm. I am not suicidal, far from it. However I have got a very fierce desire to do a fair old amount of damage to myself. Last night I had planned it all out in my head, what I needed and getting the correct first aid equipment so I can deal with the damage.
The reason I am posting this is partly down to prevention. I am less likely to do any damage when I have told someone what is going on. Also by posting I am getting it out of my system in positive way.
Sunday, 20 June 2010
Fathers Day
Throughout the year we have Mothers Day, Fathers Day, valentines day and numerous other days where we are supposed to celebrate someone one or a certain profession. No this isn't going to be one of those everything is so over commercialised rants.
I have previously posted about valentines day saying things are bad if you need one specific day of the year to be romantic. In the same context I do not see why we need a specific day to celebrate mothers or fathers. If your parents are that brilliant and fantastic then why do you need a specific day to tell them?
For allot of people today is a difficult day and for various reasons they can't celebrate fathers day. My thoughts are with you and may you have the best day possible. To everyone else happy fathers day!
I have previously posted about valentines day saying things are bad if you need one specific day of the year to be romantic. In the same context I do not see why we need a specific day to celebrate mothers or fathers. If your parents are that brilliant and fantastic then why do you need a specific day to tell them?
For allot of people today is a difficult day and for various reasons they can't celebrate fathers day. My thoughts are with you and may you have the best day possible. To everyone else happy fathers day!
Monday, 7 June 2010
Today
I have been for a nerve conduction study at the hospital today and unlike what numerous posts say on the internet it wasn't painful. They have confirmed that I have not damaged the nerves in my arm. Not sure what I have done but I want to concentrate on moving forward with my life and dealing with the psychological stuff.
It has taken me a huge amount of time and effort to get to this point and I still have points where I still regret that my suicide attempt didn't succeed, yes I look at is as a failure! I still have points where the emotional pain becomes overwhelming and I wish I could sleep for ever and be with my family. Mix in flash backs, self harm and dealing with abuse and you can see I still have a lot of work to do.
On a slightly more positive note I have started seeing someone and she is gorgeous. I am taking a bit of a risk as I have been in a similar situation before and been repeatedly hurt by the lady I was seeing then. I have posted about her before.
It has taken me a huge amount of time and effort to get to this point and I still have points where I still regret that my suicide attempt didn't succeed, yes I look at is as a failure! I still have points where the emotional pain becomes overwhelming and I wish I could sleep for ever and be with my family. Mix in flash backs, self harm and dealing with abuse and you can see I still have a lot of work to do.
On a slightly more positive note I have started seeing someone and she is gorgeous. I am taking a bit of a risk as I have been in a similar situation before and been repeatedly hurt by the lady I was seeing then. I have posted about her before.
Friday, 4 June 2010
Birthday
It is my birthday tomorrow and I will be 33 years old. I would love to go out drinking and celebrating until silly o'clock but alas that isn't going to happen, booooooo and all that. I can guarantee that there will be cake though, I am taking some into work for my team and possibly some sweets tomorrow. I will also make usual appearance on Twitter and having a mini celebration. It is also @Saskia3rd birthday as well so if you follow her please wish her a happy birthday too.
If I could ask for anything for my birthday it would be a huge amount of silliness and fun. Tomorrow I just want to have a laugh! Yes I may think of my family, there may be a bit of sadness that they are not with me but I guarantee they would want me to have a great day. Madness is the way forward!
What will I be getting for my birthday? I haven't got a clue but when I find something I will treat myself and this is very high on my list http://www.bang-olufsen.com/beosound6
If I could ask for anything for my birthday it would be a huge amount of silliness and fun. Tomorrow I just want to have a laugh! Yes I may think of my family, there may be a bit of sadness that they are not with me but I guarantee they would want me to have a great day. Madness is the way forward!
What will I be getting for my birthday? I haven't got a clue but when I find something I will treat myself and this is very high on my list http://www.bang-olufsen.com/beosound6
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