Hmm this is a difficult post for me and I have though long and hard before posting this. Now I am functioning and doing everything I should be doing, I am having one of those days but that is beside the point. My other half is rocking my world in only ways she can do.
Outwardly I am rocking along with the world, inwardly I am having an epic crash. My other half doesn't know this but on Saturday I burn't myself and it was because of yesterday. Fathers day has hit me quite hard this year and kicked off a dangerous instinct in me. That is wanting to be with my family. My thoughts yesterday were of my daughters playing together. By now they would have been old enough to play together.
For me there is a very distinct difference between being suicidal and wanting to self harm. I am not suicidal, far from it. However I have got a very fierce desire to do a fair old amount of damage to myself. Last night I had planned it all out in my head, what I needed and getting the correct first aid equipment so I can deal with the damage.
The reason I am posting this is partly down to prevention. I am less likely to do any damage when I have told someone what is going on. Also by posting I am getting it out of my system in positive way.
No comments:
Post a Comment