I heard some people on the radio talking about bananas and I thought it would be a great idea for my blog today. Bananas are very cheap to buy and tend to fill you up, they are full of potassium which I am told is a good thing. The funny thing about bananas is that it seems to be the one fruit that everyone is very picky about. I don't mean in the sense of organic or Fair Trade, both of which are very good. No what I am talking about is the condition the banana is in before a person will eat it.
When I buy my bananas they have to be perfect. I prefer them with no bruising at all and just ripe. I will eat bananas that have a small amount of bruising on the skin but anything more than this and I end up throwing them away. I couldn't care less about the shape of it but it has to be large or I will end up eating 6. I prefer to buy mine from Marks and Spencer.
Tuesday, 23 March 2010
Saturday, 20 March 2010
You should be proud of yourself
I am sitting here haunted by my past. It normally gets me when I am tired, on my own and feeling very delicate. Self harming tends to make this worse and not better, I have tried it before and ended up having full on flashbacks.
I have already posted that I have managed to get through the worst part of the year without any damage or a repeat of last year. If I am honest it was a knife edge and took a huge fight with the limited support I have had. I am not all the way through this yet.
Admittedly I have gone from self harming at every available opportunity. At my worst I couldn't wait for my wounds to heal so I could do it again, the addiction was controlling me to what we have now. I am in the best position I have been for a long time. By the end of this year I hope to have my certificate of higher education in social sciences. As a result I am more frequently told that I should be proud of myself. I am always very grateful for compliments even though I may not always take them in or understand them.
I have a serious question, how do I feel pround of myself?
I have already posted that I have managed to get through the worst part of the year without any damage or a repeat of last year. If I am honest it was a knife edge and took a huge fight with the limited support I have had. I am not all the way through this yet.
Admittedly I have gone from self harming at every available opportunity. At my worst I couldn't wait for my wounds to heal so I could do it again, the addiction was controlling me to what we have now. I am in the best position I have been for a long time. By the end of this year I hope to have my certificate of higher education in social sciences. As a result I am more frequently told that I should be proud of myself. I am always very grateful for compliments even though I may not always take them in or understand them.
I have a serious question, how do I feel pround of myself?
Monday, 15 March 2010
aftermath
I got through this years major anniversary without any major problems if we exclude the IBS attack that I am suffering with. Yet again absoutley no support, not even a simple text from my family. I am not complaning as it was expected even though it does dissappoint me. I would like to thank everyone who did send me messages, I appreciate them all.
This year has taught me so much and I would like to share my thoughts with you. I believe in family yet those who claim to be mine have failed me to many times. The phrase blood is thicker than water maybe true but this has been tested now beyond breaking point! I should be able to turn to my family but yet I have to rely on my friends and therapist for what little support I have.
I think I have previously posted that it has been a year since I have injured myself over my true family. The urges to do damage to myself over this period of time start and drastically increase to the point that it is a fight to control them. I will have to find a way to control this.
I live in the wrong city, to much has happened and it feels like a city that hates me. There is nothing but pain for me. There is so much I want to do but I am prevented from doing it by so much. I am calmer and more at peace when in Ireland so it seems illogical that I stay here for much longer.
On a plus point I have now become a friend of http://www.royalhibernianacademy.ie/ and bought a new rugby top, food, cds, stationery and some rather expensive socks.
This year has taught me so much and I would like to share my thoughts with you. I believe in family yet those who claim to be mine have failed me to many times. The phrase blood is thicker than water maybe true but this has been tested now beyond breaking point! I should be able to turn to my family but yet I have to rely on my friends and therapist for what little support I have.
I think I have previously posted that it has been a year since I have injured myself over my true family. The urges to do damage to myself over this period of time start and drastically increase to the point that it is a fight to control them. I will have to find a way to control this.
I live in the wrong city, to much has happened and it feels like a city that hates me. There is nothing but pain for me. There is so much I want to do but I am prevented from doing it by so much. I am calmer and more at peace when in Ireland so it seems illogical that I stay here for much longer.
On a plus point I have now become a friend of http://www.royalhibernianacademy.ie/ and bought a new rugby top, food, cds, stationery and some rather expensive socks.
Saturday, 6 March 2010
So it begins
12 months ago today I tried to end my life and whilst the physical injuries may still not be fully healed I am mentally in a far better place than ever. Last Tuesday I was extremely bad but so far no damage done.
Yes there have been tears, a huge amount of tears, my mood has been all over the place due to the time of the year. Today we have an epic amount of bitterness. I really can't put it into words just how much I hate the world for taking away everyone I have ever loved.
It really isn't fair and I don't know what I have done wrong to deserve this.
Yes there have been tears, a huge amount of tears, my mood has been all over the place due to the time of the year. Today we have an epic amount of bitterness. I really can't put it into words just how much I hate the world for taking away everyone I have ever loved.
It really isn't fair and I don't know what I have done wrong to deserve this.
Friday, 5 March 2010
Friends
I have been reflecting over the last few days and the one thing that keeps on coming up is about friends. I feel like I am strong enough to say this but I have lost a huge amount of friends over the last 12 months.
Friendships are formed on the basis of trust and if one person is unable to be honest then it isn't going to work. Over the last 12 months I have lost a friend due to their complete lack of honesty. It is frustrating because I thought we were firm friends.
I lost a huge amount of friends after my suicide attempts last year, I have already posted about this and again there is only one of them that really hurts but then again we were very close.
Again the vast majority of people I know have headed for the hills again this year. They are expecting me to do bad things to myself or don't want to know me during the bad times. Yes I am irritated and they will be disappointed that nothing bad is going to happen.
Friendships are formed on the basis of trust and if one person is unable to be honest then it isn't going to work. Over the last 12 months I have lost a friend due to their complete lack of honesty. It is frustrating because I thought we were firm friends.
I lost a huge amount of friends after my suicide attempts last year, I have already posted about this and again there is only one of them that really hurts but then again we were very close.
Again the vast majority of people I know have headed for the hills again this year. They are expecting me to do bad things to myself or don't want to know me during the bad times. Yes I am irritated and they will be disappointed that nothing bad is going to happen.
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