Plan B

I didn't think I would have to write this but I am having to go to plan B when dealing with this time of year. I don't particularly like using plan b and it does have its consequences. It doesn't mean that I am saying I am going to repeat last year or spend the next month self harming at ever available opportunity. I have tried being open and honest with people about how I am feeling and what I am thinking. It isn't working at all, if anything it is having a very negative impact.

I am not going to get any additional support, people have their own issues to deal with and there are people/friends that I dare not be honest with because of the bad consequences. What people want to know is that I won't be turning up with dressings on my arm and I am not going to loose it. The answer is no to both of those questions, if the worst comes to the worst I have long sleeved shirts and a very good therapist.

I know when reading this people's reaction maybe, he is pushing everyone away again. I am not pushing anyone away as I would rather have people close to me at this time of year. I really don't see the point in me being honest to people if the result is that they then avoid me for weeks, I sit there having to listen to various comments about me or I piss them off as they have more important things to deal with than me. The last thing I want is people thinking that I am never happy, positive or I am constantly dumping on them. I am trying to consider peoples feelings above my own.

So to try and maintain the balance and avoid upsetting and offending people I have decided that I won't be posting anything on Twitter or Facebook about how I am feeling inside or about my family around the 2 anniversaries. I won't be talking about it inside or outside work unless I am specifically asked, the plans I have around the anniversaries will remain very private. I will carry on posting on my blog as normal though.

I know there are people who do genuinely care about what is going on and I would please ask for your forgiveness for this post.


Michael xx