Physio

I had an assessment with a physiotherapist yesterday, I have been waiting for months for an appointment on the NHS but decided to jump the gun and book a private appointment. The advantage of this is that the lady I saw did not know me or my history. I go through stages of denial of the injuries caused by my self harming and I needed to know where I stood with my arm.

After taking my history and examining my arm she confirmed that I have nerve damage. She said that there was muscle wastage and barely a flicker in other muscles. She wasn't sure if physio was the best way to go, she thought that I may need further investigations by a neurologist.

It has been nearly a year since I did the damage and 9 months since I last had an appointment with a consultant. My injuries are still having quite a severe impact on my life. It has been a long term dream of mine to join the ambulance service and become a paramedic. I now have my doubts if that will ever happen and as I said to my therapist I haven't got a clue what I am going to do now.

It hurts me so much to type this. I want to phone my parents and tell them what has happened and why I did it but I genuinely believe that they are ashamed of me. I have spent my life trying to make them proud of me and not managed it yet. After their reaction over my eldest daughter they still don't know about my youngest daughter, if I am being honest they may never know. I really don't think telling them about my arm is really going to help matters.