I am not afraid to admit that I almost burst into tears in my local bank on Saturday. I was trying to put some money in a bond for both of my daughters and keep it going until what would have been their 18th Birthday and then give the money to charity. Even though the investment would have been in my name the pain was overwhelming.
More than the run up to my youngest daughters anniversary I have to get the balance right at this time of the year. I am at very serious risk of self harming to try and control what is going on inside of me. I need to mark the anniversaries in a direct way, comfort myself and yes reward myself if I do get through without any more damage.
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