Yesterday I decided to go and buy what I needed to mark my eldest daughters birthday. It took everything I have and much more to do it. As I have previously written it has torn me apart and left me in bits. I really don't know how to put it into words the emotions I had to control but I know that was the hardest part.
I don't know else what to say and that is unusual for me. Today is one of those days where I could really do with a real life hug. I suppose on a positive point I have managed to hide it from everyone.
Wish i could give you a real life hug mate! Glad you are managing to hide it, hope you find another healthy outlet though. (((hug)))
ReplyDeleteFrom skimming your blog and reading your tweets, it certainly sounds like you've had some very tough breaks in your life. No one with an ounce of decency could be judgmental about the self-harming in those circumstances.
ReplyDeleteI recently watched the TV series 'The Pacific', about the US campaign against Japan during the Second World War. During one scene, a sergeant, who is killed shortly afterwards by a sniper, tells a blank eyed soldier traumatised by the horrors of front line combat: "You can't dwell on it. You can't dwell on any of it."
I think this a good philosophy of life. Overcoming the past is not easy but it can be done. Ultimately the only thing that really matters is the present moment.
I too have some unhappy memories - although they are nothing in comparison to yours really - and whenever one of them returns I try to visualise a scrap of paper (representing the bad memory and the emotions surrounding it) blowing away over a sunny horizon. I find it helps.