Opening up

Those who read my blog on a regular will know about my daughters who I talk about on a regular basis, you may have read about my wife who died before my eldest daughter. What you won’t have read about is a friend of mine who I only knew for a matter of months but will remember for the rest of my life. Her name was Amy and she knew my wife more than she did me but I believe she was one of the few people who really understood me. I am afraid to say this is another tragedy but not just for me but for a large number of people.

I am not going into the specific details of why she did what she did, the events leading up to her decision. What I will say was that she attempted suicide and I found her. The image I have of when I walked into that room I still get during flashbacks. Needless to say I successfully resuscitated her even with her neck being broken. She died later on from injuries which weren’t inflicted during her suicide attempt. I have times where I am angry with her but I understand why she did it, I was put through hell but I am as close to being a peace with her and that night. I have very rare spoken about her or what happened because of the hell I was put through even though I saved her life, gave her a second chance and those who were responsible were punished.

There is another period of time where I was repeatedly a victim of crimes on an almost a daily basis. Again I have written about the aftermath of what went on but not what happened to me. I have no desire to discuss it as I am closing the book on that period of my life. Finally there is my self injuring which I am putting a huge amount of effort to keep under control, finally stop and recover from it.

All the above has happened since I moved here from Dublin so we are talking over a period of just over 6 years. I think the important thing is that it hasn’t all be bad, I have had some great moments, some fantastic moment, some amazing moments and a perfect moment. How do I deal with all of this? The short answer is that I don’t. Time has healed some of the wounds and made others easier to deal with. I have put in a huge amount of effort and work into finding ways to live with the loss and have already written in great detail about how I try and cope with the loss of my daughters.