Flashbacks are a complete bitch and I have been having them for a couple of years. They can range from me hearing and feeling things that have happened to me right up to me loosing touch with reality and seeing, hearing and acting out what has happened. The worst can last for minutes. Most of the time I am aware of when it is going to happen and the triggers.
Last night I had my worst flashback yet. I completely lost touch with reality and acted out a violent attack. Night turned to day and I felt like I was being strangled, I then felt like I was being hung, I put up a fight and then it felt like I was being strangled again. I actually felt the hands on my throat, the rope and physically fought.
This morning I woke up feeling like I had been strangled and completely stressed out. I made the decision to go to work but had to leave shortly as I felt panicky and not safe. I phoned my doctor and was told I could have an appointment on Friday. I end up going to the walk in centre who said they could offer me little and after a chat they suggested I phoned my therapist after checking I wasn't going to self harm to ground myself. My therapist has phoned me to check on me and we are going to sort it out.
Fortunately this is a rare occurrence for me and the first time I have had to use this approach. I can not and will not fault the nurse I spoke to as she did everything she could. I do feel rather let down by the rest of the NHS. It has taken me nearly 16 hours to get to a point where I feel fully in control again. Had I been in serious distress then what was I supposed to do?
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