I have no intention of holding back in my blog today. I would please ask you not to read this if you are upset by graphic descriptions. I have been a complete shit to myself today.
I think I have previously posted that I regularly get upset over my daughters, last Friday night I bawled my eyes out over them. Now we all know that I am not my own biggest fan and that I self harm.
This morning I almost drove myself to tears and not over my daughters. These were the sort of tears that you would expect after being violently punished and I paid for the privilege. I bought a coffee, used it to hurt myself and then threw the perfectly good coffee away. Did I deserve it or need to push it so far? Absolutely not no. You would be right to call it cruel. It was bang out of order even by my standards.
Why did I do it like this? It is the harshest possible punishment and the way I tend to get when things feel oppressive. No matter what people have done to me in the past I can do allot worse.
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