Sometimes my body is just weird and very unpredictable. The urges to self injure are fairly intense at the moment, it feels like my body desires the pain, the release and the emotional nose dive. It almost borders on a need at times. I know from the past that what I am feeling is the addiction, the need for the release is addictive.
Last night whilst eating a packet of fruit flakes I managed to extract a crown. It wasn't exactly a pleasant experience and felt like I had been punched in the face. My body went into shutdown and I became incredibly tired. Exhausted was an understatement, not my usual reaction to pain. It may have been the fact that I hate going to the dentist, the fact that I thought it was going to be expensive to sort out or the fact that it was entirely unintentional that caused the reaction. Who knows?
Moving onto my birthday I am really proud to say that I managed to get to 4pm before my brain kicked off over my family and my mood crashed. I managed to ignore the negative thoughts leading up to my birthday. I treated myself and even bought myself some cake. I even fought off the huge urges to harm myself. This was a definite improvement on last year and a vast improvement on previous years.
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