Flashbacks

I am going to say something which is going to sound odd on the basis that flashbacks are nasty horrible things that can leave me anything from being mildly upset to a panicking wreck. Some are heart breaking and some are just wrong in so many ways.

There are that I welcome the flashbacks and even fully embrace them.  In particular the ones I am talking about are of my daughters.  They hurt, they break my already broken heart even further, they remind me of what I have lost but I welcome them.

There are very rare times that I welcome the other flashbacks purely when it is over I can get some peace. I get incredibly tense and wound up when I can feel one coming up.  My brain goes at a million miles per hour and it is relentless.  The moment I found Amy is still burn't into my skull but I have had that one so many times now that unless it is really full on I can deal with the aftermath fairly quickly.  There are other memories coming back from the distant past, thing that I would rather not remember.

The other reason I welcome them is that I know regardless of how bad they may be I know it is my mind trying to heal itself.  I can try my best to fix the damage that I am aware of, the other damage is a different matter.