limits

Today is my first post for a while. I haven't been able to get how I am feeling out in a way that makes any sense. When leaving work today I was feeling a bit miffed and my first thought was now was the time to tear myself apart again.

I very firmly believe that I had to tear myself apart, to take a nose dive into a black hole of emotions and pain to get myself to the place I am in now. I am not going to say it was the right thing to do or an active choice on my part but it had to happen. Even with the massive progress I have made I am still walking a tight rope. I still get urges to injure myself and at times get the urge to really let rip at myself.

My family is precious to me and where I draw the limit. In other words my daughters are strictly off limits, believe it or not but people still use my daughters as a weapon to attack me. It has happened numerous times now. I never forget when a person is stupid enough to use my daughters as a weapon against me.

Another mistake people can and do make is trying to compare the loss of one child against the loss of another child. Loosing a baby is devastating regardless of wether it is a miscarriage, still birth, the baby is premature and lives for a few minutes or the baby dies weeks after birth. You can't compare and to do so would mean regarding one loss as less than another. To do so is insulting. The loss of a child is very very serious!