Society

There is a great phrase which says "never be ashamed of who you are" it is very true, I have a question though. What happens if society dictates that you should be ashamed of what you are. Society sees me as a self harmer, a practice that makes people uncomfortable regardless of the reasons behind it. People see my scars and immediately judge me on that basis, what they don't see is the story behind them.

I have just worked out that I have spent around £8500 pounds trying to fix me and make myself more acceptable to society. The thing is even with the time, effort and money I have put in that society hasn't finished with me. I now feel ashamed of myself and of who I was. Society needs this so it can justify it's actions towards me.

I feel that my humiliation and my shame just isn't enough though. It feels like I must go one step further and apologise for the way that I dealt with my personal pain. I must also cover up the evidence of what has happened. I must ensure my arms are covered, I must never speak of the horror or how I used self abuse and suicide attempts to deal with it.

Maybe it is defiance, stubbornness or maybe it is because I am stronger now but I refuse to apologise for what I have been through, I refuse to apologise for my personal pain or the methods I used to deal with it.

I will however say I am sorry for the parts that became public for whatever reason. If after seeing the effort that I have put in to getting my life back and my repeated apologies you are still not satisfied then you are in a part of society that I have no desire to be in.