It is a while since I have had to ride the waves like I am doing now. I had a particularly bad week last week with my IBS kicking off in quite an epic way mixed in with numerous memories coming back which I would rather forget. It would appear that this was a warning for what was coming at the weekend.
I am very well versed in dealing with the raw pain and other emotions I get over my daughters deaths. Once I recognise what is happening I tend to ride the waves until things settle down and I can deal with any damage that has been caused. I must admit that it is a while since I have had to really deal with anything very intense.
Friday things started which again is nothing unusual and I went along with it. Saturday I post the following tweet on twitter.
"I wonder if I would have been a great father to my daughters"
At this point I am almost in tears. It is a while since I have felt pain like that. I spend most of Sunday hugging a duvet. This morning I felt even worse and wanted to spend the day curled under my duvet. I made the right decision to get up and go to work even though it took a mountain of effort.
Anyone who really knows me will be able to answer my tweet and I want to thank @ladyloki for her reply. I know the answer to that tweet but I can't get it through the pain. At the moment there is nothing I can do to stop this and I think trying to will just make matters worse. So I shall just have to ride the waves until it is over.
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