Useless Human.

I am back at work, yay! I can stop feeling like such a completely useless human being now. I find that there is nothing quite like being off work with mental health issues to increase that feeling of failure and being useless. It doesn’t start straight away with me; normally I am to busy trying to calm my brain down enough to focus on basic day to day activities and getting me out of the house. It gets me in the end though to the point where I don’t want to look people in the eye and feel like I should apologise for not being able to cope. Add in the fact that I am going to loose wages, potentially upset my employer and the fact that I can’t do quite a number of the things that I would normally do and you have quite a boiling pot of a mess to deal with.


I feel that I should point out that none of us can help being ill regardless of whether it is physical, mental or a combination of both that we have. Likewise I had no choice but to off sick and I had got to the point that I couldn’t cope. I had put up a vicious fight but in the end I had to go off and accept the consequences of my actions. I am not happy about it but I am not going to apologise for something that is out of my control.

This time I managed to deal with things better and quicker which has meant that I have kept my time off to a minimum. I did everything I could to identify the cause and to get myself back to work. The method I used in the end was to accept that everything bad that has ever happened to me was entirely my fault (The reality being extremely different to this). The theory being that if everything was my fault then there was only one person who could deal with it and that was me.

Once I had got to this point I managed to get things moving very quickly to the point that I was able to make the decision to go back to work. The first positive consequence of this is that I can stop feeling like such a useless human being now.