I killed a knife

Saturday night I broke my carbon steel carving knife, to be honest though it was either the knife or my arm. I must admit I was surprised though as I normally kill cushions, boxes and towels rather than knives so it is a first for me. 

Yes my arm is in a bit of a mess, yes I took action to minimise the damage so I didn't loose movement in my arm and hand (wouldn't be the first time) and no I am not fine with it. Some people go out get drunk and fall over to try and kill what is going on inside of them.  Me I use pain, always have done but really would rather not.

I am incredibly frustrated and angry, money is tighter than it has been for a very long time and I am going to be loosing the one consistent bit of support that I have had for a very long time now. I have fought to the bitter end over the hell that I have been through. I have got to this point with sheer determination, a tanker load of fight and an occasional bucket of hot chocolate.  I have gone through hell and kept on running to try and fix more damage than the average person will experience in several lifetimes.

How have I done it?  I have had no choice.  Hope is something that I have not been given the luxury of. I have and continue to be abandoned by people who should know better. Whatever happens now though I know I can hold my head up high.